Little Moments and Big Moments

Last night, I started to create an electronic photo album of my Mom.  I started with her old brown photo album compiled pre-Dad.  I'd browsed through this album many times over the years, but this was the first time I was really seeing it.   Something new - a bunch of never seen high school records that she must have put in the front of the album when she moved into Tonawanda Manor.  I didn't really need proof of this, but there it was - my mother was very intelligent!    I always knew that she was Valedictorian of her class, but she also received achievement certificates in Journalism, English, Social Studies and  <ahem>  Dramatics (which explains a lot!).   In her Junior year, she received some fancy-sounding award in American History.   As many times as I've thought that I was born 10 -20 years too late, I wonder how many times she thought that she was born 20 or 30 years too early?

As I continued to piece together my Mom, I saw on my phone the last picture taken of her - by my brother - on March 19th.  It was to be his last day with her, and she was alert, laughing and happy.  For the first time, I felt an overwhelming sense of loss and grief.

If today were a normal Saturday, I would be heading out soon to spend a couple of hours with Mom.  But today is not normal.....

She has a lot of pictures of herself in her album.  I guess this is just one more way that we were not at all alike.  Well, I don't blame her - she was way more photogenic than me.   Also unlike me, she was not afraid to put imperfect pictures in her album.   Case in point - wedding pictures of my Aunt Jeanne and Uncle Carmen.  The pictures of the bride and groom seem to have been double exposed, but it gave them a 19th century quality that makes me wonder if someone took the pictures this way on purpose - except that they were all like this, so I don't think so, but there they were in all of their imperfect beauty.

So far, this is my favorite picture of my Mom:

I wonder what she was thinking about there?