I have a lot of issues with food. In my adult life, I have probably lost and gained a total of 200 pounds. Right now, I don't feel as though I'm ingesting huge quantities of food -yet, my weight has reached an all time high. My summer wardrobe is a nightmare to navigate when I'm like this. A year ago, I did what would previously been the unthinkable. I began shopping in the plus sizes for tops.
I know what my demon is. I am a classic carboholic. In particular, I am addicted to sugar and white flour products. One time in my youth, I was bored during summer vacation and I ate an entire loaf of white bread. No butter, no jam, no peanut butter. Just bread. I rarely butter a dinner roll, because I don't want anything masking the wonderful, yeasty taste of white bread. Mmmmm...
I have come to the conclusion that this addiction is really no different than any other. I can't eat just one dinner roll or just a half a cup of breakfast cereal. I absolutely must eat the entire basket or half the box of cereal in a single sitting. Don't get me started on pasta. If I force myself to eat what, for most people, would be a normal serving, I am not proud of myself. It is impossible to feel proud when you are battling a craving that makes your blood sugar go bazurk while your brain is screaming "a little more won't hurt. just a little more....". Meanwhile, the rest of the food on my plate tastes like swill, no matter how well it's prepared, because I can't stop thinking about the rolls or the pasta..... or what bakery confection might be waiting for me on the dessert menu. In the pizza restaurant, I am the person eating everyone's unwanted pizza crusts. Pizza Hut deep dish crusts are divine. At home, Digiorno and Wegmans pizzas have unbelievable crusts. Italian restaurants that serve bread sticks might as well not even give me a menu. Just pass the basket my way and leave me to my devices.
I must quit cold turkey. This (I'm told) will eventually cause my ridiculous cravings to go away. Flour and sugar are officially out. I simply can't handle them in any quantity.
Almost every diet I've tried has recommended keeping a food journal. I find this idea to be .... what? ....... well, basically, something that I have no desire to do, ever, and a waste of time. What does appeal to me is the idea of a diet blog. So here I go. I have already started drinking black coffee - yes, I was that person in line ahead of you at Tim Horton's ordering the Extra Large Triple-Triple. No more of that! I have also decided that I am not going to weigh myself at home. Ever. I will be going to the doctor for a checkup in January. I am determined to change my eating habits and make the change a permanent one, so I will let the doctor's scale and my blood tests do the talking.
Finally, I know that it is no longer politically correct to refer to this as "dieting" and that we are good little soldiers who are aiming for a "lifestyle change." Indulge me on this, readers, and allow me to save keystrokes by using the words "diet" and "dieting". I promise you, I know what the real goal is.
Onward and upward ....