Saturday, August 17, 2013

Why Write?

So, why do I write?  For the longest time, I haven't really known the answer to this question.  It's not as though I could make a living doing this.  Forget fiction.  I couldn't find a good fiction story with two hands and a map.   I can't just sit down every day and write.  I have to have something that drives me to the keyboard.

Some people like to read what I've written.  Sometimes I look back at what I've written, and I think - why?  But here's the thing.  I write when I need to get something out of me and I don't have the words to express myself verbally - or in some cases, when I have nobody to express them to.

I could have used this blog during the aftermath of 9/11.  I was desperately concerned about someone I knew who'd survived and was working at a contingency location in New Jersey.  I felt helpless.  From Buffalo, NY with no cell phone, tied to my job, there wasn't much I could do.  I chose not to eat and to run excessively(excessively for me, anyway).   I sort of floated around in a dream state for over three months.  I forced Bill into taking me to New York to see her. Having her physical presence in front of me was ultimately what put me back on the track to normal.  I can't help but wonder if writing would have gotten me through that in a more healthy way.

So, now I find myself in a similar predicament.  And I am writing.  And this is how I feel.

I wish I could reverse time for you.  I would take you back to when the biggest issue you faced was challenges on the job.   Why is it that we think that the worst things happen to us at work, until we find out the hard way that this isn't so?

I wish I could have five minutes in a room with those who are hurting you so that I could tell them how foolish and selfish and short-sighted they are.   Sometimes, I grit my teeth so hard that it hurts.

I wish I could give you what you need to ease your pain - whatever that might be.

They say that time heals all wounds.  I wish I could guarantee you time - loads and loads of time.

I wish I could calm your mind, because I know that it is anything but.

What I can offer are my eyes, my ears, my heart and my "pen".  These I give to you 100 percent and wholeheartedly.

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