I really should post an entry on days when things are going well. Monday was a good day. Tuesday was good until approximately 9:00PM or so when, in the interest of sharing, I told Bill about some of my social plans for the what remains of the summer. You see, I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't. I'm told that I "don't tell him anything". I was also accused on Tuesday night of "yelling at him all the time." Hmmm.... what reason could I possibly have to yell at him, I wonder? Why would I want to hesitate about telling him things? It couldn't possibly have to do with the fact that anything I tell him that doesn't directly involve him is met with mockery, insults or incessant grilling and critiquing...
To sum things up, here are our current house rules
- does not clean up dishes after any meal and hasn't since he started working in the metal shop presumably because he was always "beat". He no longer works in the metal shop. Hasn't for months. This along with never, EVER putting things back where he found them,.
- Plans random activities every weekend with male friend, whenever he isn't sewing insulated blankets. Informs wife of his activities on a "need to know" basis. All she needs to know is that he's rarely around on weekends, He does usually show up for dinner and evening activities. I'll give him that much. And if I make plans for both of us, he's there.
- takes care of household tasks and chores on an "as needed" or "emergency" basis. IE - one of his acquaintances was coming over last night, and he was frantically vacuuming and throwing clutter into bags to be hidden.
- if the wife says anything that he isn't 100% happy with or that he thinks may lead to something that he won't be happy with, he feels entitled to the use of swearing and nasty name-calling. His idea of an ounce of prevention? This behavior is usually followed by an extended period of nit-picking every move she makes.
- randomly intersperses periods of light-heartedness, joking and generosity into all of the above so as to keep the wife off balance at all times. During these periods is when sex usually occurs, which makes the wife wonder about his motivations.
- cooks and cleans up after because the alternative is to eat out all the time which is expensive and unhealthy. After a few years of picking up after husband and putting things away, she became totally discouraged and not only stopped picking up after him but lapsed into his patterns of bad behavior.
- Engages in one outside activity that is very important to her - important enough to put up with the mockery, insults and critiquing he give her. Has gotten to the point where she plans activities with friends, tells him, then thumbs her nose at him when he fusses about it. No point in even trying to be pleasant or diplomatic.
- now feels justified in saying what's on her mind as it comes in to her mind. Otherwise, she will be accused of "not telling him things".
- No longer holds back her anger when he degenerates into the swearing and name-calling and sometimes responds in kind. She knows that it's wrong, but in the heat of the moment, she doesn't care.
- has decided that if she is such a crashing disappointment as a wife, she might as well respect herself by sticking up for herself when arguments start. She knows and admits that she is not perfect. Too bad he can't do the same.
- will continue to go along with the sex as long as it continues to be better than self-gratification. So far, so good. They always say men are only good for one thing. Too bad they feel the need to live down to that saying.
Those are our house rules as of today. So the question to be answered is this - are we life partners or are we roommates with benefits? And what happens when you can't tell the difference anymore?