Saturday, January 5, 2013

Another Goodbye

This will be brief.  Bill and Mandy left for Providence two hours ago.  I didn't cry this time...yet.  I have the excitement of her next visit with Danny to look forward to, and I have to focus on that.

I can't focus on the Christmas tree where some of her gifts remain to be put away, or the perpetually puzzled look on Jerry's face for the first few days after she's gone.  His little feline brain can't comprehend her comings and goings.  I'm not so sure I'm that far behind him.

Sometime when I wasn't looking, my daughter became an adult.  Now it is up to me to act like one, I guess.  Still, there are some things that will never be the same for me since Mandy left.   I still have not been able to go to the Mall without her.  The Mall was our place since she was old enough to walk.  We spend countless hours window shopping, trying things on, eating.  Sometimes we bought things, sometimes not.  It didn't matter because it was our time together.  So now I am the Queen of Internet shopping.  It's must riskier to buy something that you aren't really laying your eyes on, but it's a risk I was willing to take.  I couldn't face the stores.

Well, I guess this is my new reality.  A year and a half in, I feel only slightly better to handle it than I was when it all started.  Time just goes by too fast.  I wish I could close my eyes and reverse the Earth's rotation.  But then again, who's to say that anything would have happened any differently?  The beauty is in the moment.... and that's where I have to live.

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